Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
oh god the rape fog is back!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
