hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
