He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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