I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
