I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
