This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
