Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
