you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
