I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
