I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
