i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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