Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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