I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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