Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
