Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
