good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
