I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
