Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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