i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am available for nakedness
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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