I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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