I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
