i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
