I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
