I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
