weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize