I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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