The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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