the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
