Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
