What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
