He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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