You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
