a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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