So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
