He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize