dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
