u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
