We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
