Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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