Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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