i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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