Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
