i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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