my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woke up backwards on a recliner
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
