Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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