You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
