I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
