dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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