I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
