That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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