Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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