i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
