i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
