the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
