It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
