No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
