I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
