There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
