Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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