Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
