theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize