it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
