She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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