I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
