This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do herpes really smell.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
