Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
