Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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