I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
