I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
