I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
